Unfaithful wife names
Q: I'm seeing a couple who's recovering from the husband's affair. While the husband's stopped all contact with the other woman and doesn't want to dwell on the past, the wife insists on knowing the details. How much disclosure is needed for the couple to heal? A: How much to share and when to share are issues that confront every couple trying to recover from the discovery of infidelity. It's common for the betrayed partner to obsess over learning the graphic details, while the unfaithful partner tries to suppress descriptive information.
Information that's disclosed too early in the process can be destructive, but total avoidance only intensifies alienation caused by the affair. I actively structure the timing and the process of disclosure to maximize the healing effects of sharing the story of the affair because I've found that revealing the details of an affair is seldom constructive in the presence of uncontrolled emotional intensity or unresolved ambivalence about the future of the marriage. Discovering that a partner's been unfaithful is a traumatic event that shatters all the basic assumptions of commitment, love, and honesty.
Understanding the story of what happened is an essential part of the recovery from that trauma. In most cases, the betrayed partner's demand for information isn't meant to divert discussion away from marital problems as some clinicians have suggested but to put the pieces together into a meaningful whole.
In fact, research has consistently shown that individual recovery, survival of the marriage, and restored trust are contingent on honest communication about the infidelity.
Cheaters like to keep their personal lives private.
Nevertheless, friends, family members, and a substantial number of therapists believe that talking about the infidelity will only make matters worse. In my own survey of therapists, 38 percent agreed that "a spouse's desire to know details of the partner's extramarital involvement should be discouraged by the therapist. In general, I support sharing the specific information that the betrayed partner needs to know.
Initially, I reduce the pressure by asking basic factual questions who, where, when, how long about the affair in a calm, nonconfrontive tone. I often suggest that betrayed partners pretend they're listening from behind a one-way mirror, and I give them an index card to write down their questions, comments, or contradictions.
I warn them that hearing the real facts is likely to expose previous lies and deception, but it's crucial that the unfaithful partner's current truthfulness be appreciated rather than attacked. I encourage the betrayed partner to bring in lists of questions that I'll hold until we've laid a groundwork of caring, compassionate communication, and commitment.
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I delay complex questions about why the unfaithful partner got involved and explicit questions about sexual intimacy until both partners feel safe in the therapy. Of course, safety's impossible if the infidelity continues. With ambivalent, explosive couples, I promote a sense of security by asking for a verbal contract that both partners will remain in therapy and in the relationship for a specific number of sessions 6 or One way to create safety is to have individual sessions so the betrayed partner can vent overwhelming rage and the unfaithful partner can grieve the loss of the affair partner.
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Marty said:. Sorry, but this is a typo - but a bit Freudian when I see how I spelled it. Packard said:. These are Webster's 3rd International meanings. In the 2nd International and traditional, biblical context a woman commits adultery. Men do not. A married man that has sex with another woman other than his wife is not committing adultery. My Webster's "New International" published in says that adultery is unfaithfulness to the marriage bed by one -- either a man or a woman -- who is married to another.
The question of whether the adultery of a married man with an unmarried woman is a crime is an entirely separate matter. Certainly, when the Bible gives the commandment "Thou shalt not commit adultery", this is a commandment that is to be observed by both sexes. It would be absurd to say that there are only nine Commandments for men, but ten for women, because a man cannot commit adultery! It is precisely because men can commit adultery that one reads, for example, in Luke Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery : and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.
Thus, neither an older dictionary definition nor the Bible supports the statement that in a traditional understanding of the word, "women commit adultery, men do not.
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Modern usage does not carry that meaning, but it is a useful distinction when reading about biblical events. English-Ireland top end. I recall having read complex definitions of the old testament concept of what is translated as adultery, but I don't recall the definitions. That is not particularly relevant either to this topic or to the definition of the English word adultery - which is, essentially, a "violation of the marriage bed; voluntary sexual intercourse of a married person with someone of the opposite sex either unmarried or married to another.
In the above, the married man and the married woman are not married to one another. But to reiterate, this inconsistency is a problem of inadequate translation, not a definition of the English word adultery see above which is the correct term for any of the above interactions.
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Canada, French and English. So having sex with someone of the same sex while being married to someone else is not considered adultery? It takes two to tango. It is the combined act that is adultery - the English definition according to the OED. Thus both the married man and the unmarried woman are committing adultery.
What Happens in a Divorce if Your Spouse Had an Affair?
A cursory search reveals a variety of interpretations. As biblical scholars seem to be arguing incessantly about this point, it would be somewhat frivolous for us to do the same - and in any case that is a matter of interpretation of another language, not English. Hmm, that's interesting. I would have thought the OED would make certain distinctions there -- I don't have one to refer to.
If you're speaking of a Biblical context, everything is adultery. But I'm speaking from a secular context in which the language has evolved.
It seems to me the real meaning of adultery is falsifying, counterfeiting, cheating -- on a commitment. The unmarried woman has made no commitment, has she?
Maybe she's called an adulterer in an Islamic society where it's implicit that anything but pure chastity is cheating. But in secular western societies, I take the term simply to mean "violating one's marital commitments. So I think the culture and context is essential to the correct interpretation of the word.
Returning now to the original topic of this thread,"homewrecker" is another term for the woman. AWordLover said:. Returning now to the original topic of this thread,"homewreaker" is another term for the woman.
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I am no expert on adultery. My understanding is based entirely on logic, supported by the OED. The only absolute definition is of adultery. Adulterer is one who commits adultery. Adulteress is one who commits adultery. Adultery is defined as a "violation of the marriage bed; voluntary sexual intercourse of a married person with someone of the opposite sex either unmarried or married to another.
For the act to be adultery, one party must be married. If the act is adultery, both participants have committed adultery.